Personality

I am completed intrigued by the concept of the ' examined life '. I don't completely understand it, but man.... it sounds great !!
I considered myself a ' thinker ', until such time as I have met a honest to god, genuine one. This person observes , analyzes, and in my opinion- has thoughts on everything around them. This is not a judgement on my part, as I have said- this is a talent I wish I could master. Being around this person, is sometimes maddening. As example, small things- this said with little or no thought; said for the value of entertainment become topics for later discussion. Things I say, and have no real reason for saying- having no harsh meaning, have the potential for hurting another. This is not OK.
I assume being on the other end of the rainbow, that constantly analyzing things ( even subconciously ) can lead to some long days. Constantly wondering what is meant by certain things- questioning whether or not you are correctly interpreting things- finding resolution to all of these things.... it's a big deal.
I do not want to hurt others, as I do not want others to intentionally hurt me. I am not the type of person who is a tremendous planner, and many times find myself more disorganized than I'd like to be. I rationalize this as my professional day is SO organized, that when I'm free of it, I may overcompensate and not worry about other things/ timelines, etc. Given this disclosure about myself, I can see where it may be maddening to others around me. Don't get me wrong- I manage the basics... but some of the bigger stuff, I may stumble over. I guess a point to this is - I WANT to be certain things for others I'm not ( such as a thinker/ planner ); but, in my road towards living the examined life- I'm discovering my limits in meeting those wants.
It is hard for the person who does not want to hurt others to recognize these things. To know you hurt others- whether directly or not... and to realize that the origins of these pains is just your personality, well... it's just hard.

Crazy is as Crazy Does....

So.... here it is 5:14 am, and I'm working a ' patient watch ' . Yup... I'm gonna bellyache again about being on call.... I mean- it's not like anybody's even reading this stuff...

Which brings me to a point... I am relatively new to this, in fact this is my first ' blogging ' experience. I was so excited- I was going to be able to EXPRESS myself to others- others I would hope with similar views..... YAWN....

I've done this for about a month now, and it appears that no one has seen/ commented anything on my ramblings. So- a decision was reached, it just doesn't matter.

It just doesn't matter if you read this.

It just doesn't matter if you agree with this.

It just doesn't matter if you disagree.... you see, as I checked and saw that there were no noted comments, something happened.... I got upset. Really- kinda' mad. I thought to myself- ' ... c'mon, somebody's gotta be into it, right ? ... '. But... y'know what ? It seems not.... so, as a product of my being upset, I set forth a change.

This is no longer about anyone else.

This is about me. Now- anyone who truly knows me, knows that I seldom put myself in this position. Most times, I'm trying to think about others, and what others may think. Sometimes saying or doing things just to get that opinion. AND- hopefully that opinion was supportive of my thoughts, or else we'd have a whole new set of anxiousness/ paranoia/ craziness going on.... I guess I thought this experience would help me ' scratch that itch ' in a whole new way. Right now, I'm thinkin' I guessed wrong.

Now please don't misunderstand me- I'm gonna keep with this puppy- writing when I can, or want to.... not for entertainment, but just for me.

OK.... well, back to the inital point- being on call sucks.